I don’t want to be one of those bloggers that spreads awful unfounded rumours, but there is a very disturbing and persistant story floating around. According to many potentially credible sources, Rush Limbaugh is dating a goat. And by goat I’m not using a derogatory term for a cast member from The Golden Girls, but actual braying livestock.
Rush was seen last week cruising a Miami suburb in a white Escalade; a large white goat happily riding shotgun next to him. A toll booth attendant that wanted to remain anonymous reported the following. “Rush pulled up to pay the toll, and when I looked over he was feeding a head of lettuce to the goat. Then he leaned over with a piece of tomato sticking out of his mouth, and fed it to the goat like a lover sharing a piece of candy. Then he gave the goat a little kiss. Most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen.”
At the Ritz Carlton in New York a maid reported seeing Limbaugh check into a suite with a large portable dog kennel in tow. When she cleaned the room the next day she noticed the sheets were covered with coarse white hair and one of the pillows had been chewed. “I didn’t think it was strange at the time, since a lot of bald guys have hairy backs and they tend to shed and chew at night”, she said, “but when I heard he was dating a goat it all seemed to make sense.”
Limbaugh reportedly became a goat lover a couple years ago while still addicted addicted to prescription drugs. While under the influence of Oxicotin and fortified wine he called an escort service to order some companionship, but in his deranged state accidentally called a goat breeding operation.
Lance Rollins, Chairman of NAMGLA (North American Man Goat Love Association) says he isn’t suprised. “I know that people find it strange and maybe a little perverse, but until you have actually spent a little time with a goat you can’t imagine what terrific and sensuous companions they are. You can’t believe what a good goat will do. I hope Rush will come forward and help bring man / goat love societal acceptance.”
Not everyone is as accepting of Limbaugh’s new companion. Ester Bell, head of the KCSPA (Kansas City Society For The Protection of Animals), said she and her group plan to protest next month when Limbaugh is in town addressing the annual convention for KAWT (Keep America White and Tight). “I don’t care how famous he is. He has no right to date farm animals”, said Bell.
Of course, all this is simply conjecture, as there has been no official acknowledgement from Rush that he is actually dating a goat. But on a recent show Lou Dobbs summed it all up. “I’ve been following the Limbaugh Goat Dating controversy. I know Rush, and I don’t believe that he would actually date a goat. But Rush also has not provided any proof that he is not in a relationship with an animal. I think he owes that to America.” Despite the fact that Dobbs does not think Limbaugh is dating a goat, he continues to feature guests on his show that claim first hand knowledge of the relationship.
The Limbaugh Goat Love Triangle has deflected attention from the last rampant web controversy which coincidentally included Limbaugh and Dobbs. Both commentators joined other conservatives in spreading the unfounded rumour that President Obama was not born in the USA, and was actually some long-term Muslim “Manchurian Candidate” plant designed to ultimately overthrow America. Despite the fact that there is substantial evidence to conclusively prove the President was born in the US, they continued to propagate the rumour to boost ratings.
Though I am no supporter of Limbaugh, even I find it hard to believe he is in a relationship with a goat. But one has to wonder, why won’t he prove he isn’t?