Presidential ambition is a funny thing….people often say and do o some of the craziest stuff. I mean if you want a real belly laugh, watch Howard Dean’s absurd and maniacal performance – the laugh shout scream thing he did after watching his double digit early lead disappear in Iowa. I mean Michael Dukakis actually put an enormous helmet on his already enlarged head and was driven around in a tank. I mean the guy already looked like a bobble head as it was….the helmet was the lasting image of the 1988 campaign.
Good old boy George W. was ambushed early and often by reporters who realized that he’d had a head trauma early in life and could be counted on for a few chuckles every time he tried to pronounce any word that was more than two syllables. Over time “W” would figure out the word and it was even funnier watching that intellectual giant as he smirked every time he got one right.
Then there was Al Gore who claimed credit for creating the internet and being the inspiration for the “Love Story” film and book. But these examples, and countless others, all seem almost quaint when we get to the current crop of presidential wannabes.
Four years ago we were treated to a banquet of laughs almost all of which came out of the bright reds lips of Sarah Palin….. But alas, poor Sarah decided that it was better to cash in financially and so she is little more than a fond memory….I mean the thought of that dimwit trying to explain McCain’s tax strategy is far funnier than anything that Tina Fey has ever done.
To be fair, our current Vice President is no stranger to the stupid comment hall
of fame either. I mean his stuff on FDR getting on TV when the stock market crashed in 1929 is just classic…ummm Joe….FDR was most certainly not the president when the stock market crashed, nor were televisions commercially available in 1929….but what a comedic gem.
This all brings us to today’s crop of ambitious Americans seeking the Oval Office….
Let’s start with Mitt Romney, he’s been a candidate for the presidency since he was born. The Mitt’s humor isn’t the same kind of zany Bush comedy we’ve all grown to love….Mitt is
a bit more subtle, very dry actually. One of the funniest bits he has is the classic flip flop. He’s just brilliant…. I’m pro-life….no wait I’m pro-choice….hold the phone….I’m pro-life,
yep, I’m pro-life and proud of that long held and firmly held belief. It was “not my desire” to go off and serve in Vietnam….no wait, I mean “I longed” to go. I support an assault weapon ban….ooooh, ooooh, no wait “I don’t support any gun control legislation”. I’ve
been a hunter all of my life…..well I’ve never actually hunted, but I like photo ops where I get to carry a rifle on a supposed bird hunt….
And there’s always the tip of the hat to the African American voter… “I saw my father march with Martin Luther King”, when asked how that happened….”Keep em All Happy” Romney said, “I did not see it with my own eyes”. Just too funny. Mitt is the chameleon we all so desperately need, I mean who better to deal with grid lock than someone who has no clear core values at all. Mitt’s strength is that he is a conservative-moderate-liberal Republican-Libertarian who favors a Pro Life/Choice agenda, who will work to overturn/support Roe v. Wade, who is dead set against and fully behind National Healthcare who will never give Detroit a check unless the need it and who will/will not move heaven and earth to hunt down terrorists. Brilliant.
Then there’s Rick Perry….after watching his attempts at polysyllabic words….it is
apparent that he is also from the Karl Rove stable of comedians….he may actually be as funny as good ole boy “Dubya”. Cowboy Perry has mastered the one-liner…the sort of Stephen Wright delivery, he just lets the words roll over you until you convulse with laughter….
This summer Rick was in Iowa and delivered this beauty. Apparently he’s been in touch with “scientists” who are all agreeing that they’ve had it wrong, you see Rick has learned that Global warming is not a man made problem and it is not why we are seeing climate change in every region of the planet…..I almost passed out watching this line as it was delivered….there is of course no actual debate as to the cause of global climate change and Ricky must have forgotten his prior support of Al Gore’s presidential campaign.
Then there’s this classic….”Juarez is reported to be the most dangerous city in America”. It’s funny because he’s the Governor of Texas and maybe should know that Juarez is in Mexico…..
I mean this guy should give up his failing campaign and take this show over to HBO for a multishow deal….”The Rick Perry Daft Comedy Jam” could be a real hit….he could open with a duet with Sarah Palin and then kill them with lines like these….
“From time to time there are going to be things that occur that are acts of God that cannot be prevented” as he described the BP oil catastrophe in the Gulf of Mexico…and like Dangerfield’s “I tell ya, I get no respect” signature line Cowboy Ricky could finish with perhaps the funniest thing anyone in public life has ever said….. “George W. Bush did a incredible job in the presidency, defending us from freedom”…..some people are just funny and I put this guy right up there with Jonathan Winters and Richard Pryor…..
What would a Presidential Comedy Tour be without Michelle Bachman…..”I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.” Of course the president when the swine flu struck was a Republican and his name was Gerald Ford.
In keeping with the Republican theme as the “science party” Michelle penned this killer joke…”Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.” What a great wit…too too funny. Michelle also is a master of historical satire as well…..
“But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States. … I think it is high time that we recognize the contribution of our forbearers who worked tirelessly — men like John Quincy Adams, who would not rest until slavery was extinguished in the country.” You have to appreciate
the absurdity of this joke….really wild stuff.
I think we take ourselves too seriously, why should the president be informed, intelligent and historically aware….let’s get real here folks, we are in the midst of a deep financial crisis and what better way to forget millions in poverty, children without access to healthcare and global conflict….let’s just chuckle right through it.
I don’t know about you guys…I’m voting comedy first, competence second.