During my life in and outside of the office, I have come in contact with a personality variation I like to call the Silent Whiner. This type can be a bit more deceptive. Silent Whiners often appear to be silently strong, not really complaining, but simply enduring the somewhat hazy problems and disadvantages that life seems to have dealt them. But they are simply internalizing their lack of control and their belief that life continues to deal them a bad hand that they cannot escape.
They spend a lot of time whining in private, to themselves and their closest friends and family members. Their life is frequently a litany of excuses for why they are not where they want to be, and they seem to take some perverse pleasure in being the stoic victim. Instead of being known for their accomplishments and talents, they prefer to be admired for having a strong face during adversity. And because this is their trademark, they actually seek out adversity so they can play the victims. This might be admirable if they were really dealing with uncontrollable situations, but most typically, they are just seeking excuses for their inability to muster the fortitude to move forward in their lives and master their destiny.
Silent Whiners need to take a different approach from traditional whiners. In fact, they need to come public with their complaints, cleanse their souls of the real or perceived problems or injustices that they feel have hampered their lives, and then move on to bigger and better things and a happier life. Once exorcised from the problems and excuses, they are forced to deal with reality and confront their problems. If you don’t speak up, you can’t effect change. But the key is to first make sure the problems you perceive are real and valid, and then address them in the proper manner.
Once they have aired and abandoned their excuses, Silent Whiners need to take the same path that all Whiners should take to elevate themselves from their unhappy existences. They need to regard life with optimism—and the attitude that they are in complete control of their destiny.